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Time Can Return: Seek For Better Doctors!

Don’t enjoy hateful life! None of your business if I died! I lost interests, stressed and bored of my daily life! I fell into deep depression without knowing it. Caught by my mum found me motionlessly in bed for days and took me to see doctor at a nearby public polyclinic. Hopefully the doctor will give me some happy pills or sleeping pills so that I could sleep well with no worries and stresses! But without seeing a doctor yet the people (no idea whether a nurse or administrator) who worked there just referred me to IMH with a referral letter. Perhaps my mom accidentally mentioned that I had contemplated suicide at home. Is it a proper procedure to refer people who contemplated suicide must go to IMH or just the doctors were too busy to see me! Now I don’t like to see doctors anymore even I got sick, I rather carried the virus with me anywhere I go as retribution to people who had made me sick! Hunt down their love one, leaving them in deep great pain, as my spirit never rest in peace! My life had never been better since I had gone to IMH! See, how easy to create pitchers for the weak, when I was sick! Learn a lesson never talk to strangers when you have a disease!

If time can return, I rather my parent spent more time with me, often take me somewhere else for some enjoyment and treats. Too bad at that time, nothing seems so much interesting, feeling pretty bored easily. No computer, I tended to be more a loner with no friends since I’m poor stuck between the rich. Who will want to be with me!

After recovery, my aunt bought me pets – hamsters! Animal therapy that will help me to heal my soul, my loneliness, when I’m in bad mood! I quite allergy when I played with them. But I do love it. I learned to be more patience and understand them except for humans who like to drag! I learned the responsibility to keep them clean and feed them with real food! I learned to give them space, or they were fighting or killing each other and ended up dead! Sometime they will send me nasty presents – shits, piss or bite on me, a message told me to stop playing with them because they’re stressed! Similar like human beings, the beasts on earth practices. I learned a lot from them, even animals had different personalities and talents. They do recognize their names when I called out them! Female are smarter and very responsive! Not like male, most the time no response, sleep there like a log, I almost lost my voice calling out their names! Is there something wrong with their hearing? Or I just picked the wrong name they don’t like! They’re only more responsive and lively when there’s new female next to them. They were very excited, looked adorable some how! Is that the reason why most companies always practicing invited new fresh meats in! Animals! They made me feel like a god too, their life span is short! And I can control their birth rate too – when to breed or not, since most the time hardly can be sold people want it for free! It also helped me to learn to be strong when they’re gone – my playmates turned gray, solid and cold. That life, everyone will face at the end of their journey of life!

Social network therapy helped me too if I had internet connection, it helped me to be more social, make new friends. I can play games, talk with strangers around the world, blog to express myself, my feeling and my thoughts and learn and search for answers.

And it also a way to shorten my life spans to die quickly as well as I can enjoy my time! Knowing that it will deteriorate my health if I spent too much time on the screen – damaged my eyes and my brain, having headache sometimes. My feet rooted to the ground for so damn long I can’t feel a thing, my legs numbed unable to move! And it wore off my skin for typing a lot – hope that I just talk inside me, computer type for me and correct my errors teach me what is right what is wrong, at least I learn something! Where got such a thing can read my mind, only in my dreams! In the end, I till needed to pay because it’s not free!

However, it much better than writing on a piece of paper and throw it into the bin. It wouldn’t work out for me, doctors! Who will care, who will see, not even god know my existence at all! At least, I know somebody peeked into and looked at my blog. Hope is not too late for searching me – my other parts of me, scattered all around the world who can read me completely. Or they just don’t understand English when they’re lost their mind start a new life again! Hard to find good listeners and good advisers all around this world! Hope there will be a perfect translator device can auto detects languages and understands the humans’ thoughts, translated whatever I wrote inside my thought to other languages understood by all. But it dangerous to use that too, it may translate the wrong ideas, my thought, the way I want to express since all software were written by human! Can’t be trust, always need to guess what the person is writing about, always have errors! Human errors or software errors? Nothing is perfect!

Social networking had become my culture. Not like back to old days, no interests to keep me alive, be a lunatic and pervert some more start cursing and doing the meditations killing people in my dreams as no evidence can support that I made my curses came true! Don’t blame all to me if the curses came true because there always hateful people among us! Or it just bounded to happen! Living in this complicated, hypocrite, pervert world, no agreement among everyone of us, till wars out there, no space for me!

I knew will lose them someday. But these are the doctors, fun to play with and occupied most of my loneliest time on earth, much better than human beings who care much more about theirs living!

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